Wednesday, April 05, 2006

It's Hard

To visit my mother one day & see that she is well only to get a phone call alerting me otherwise the next day.

To listen as someone that I have know forever begins to tell me a story full of certainty and conviction while I know the truth- it's built on delusions.

To see the speeding train of mental illness & not be able to slow it ever so slightly.

To watch as a person that you love breaks apart and it's harder yet to find patience as a treatment team tries to slowly put the pieces back into place.

To stay on this merry-go-round and still function.

To NOT let these worries, fears & thoughts consume me.

11 Comments:

Blogger The Rev. Dr. Kate said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

7:00 AM  
Blogger Axe said...

I think this emotional purgatory you are in, will eventually have a negative effect on your own mental health, sweets. Be careful!
***Kisses***

7:57 AM  
Blogger The Rev. Dr. Kate said...

Oh, Bobby - hard is an understatement! You are in an impossible situation with no "good" resolution. That you are still standing, never-mind functioning, testifies to your emotional and psychological strength. Of course it wears on you body and soul - your feelings are natural under the circumstances. Human beings are not designed to live with this kind of stress for ever. You have done the best you could - please treat yourself with the same care and compassion you give to your Mom. Exercise, eat well, and get some sleep (and give your doctor a call if you need meds to sleep)! Talk to the folks at Carmel Ridge and accept the support they can offer you. You do not have do this by yourself. Folks here have bravely shared struggles with their own mental illness and painful family situations. You aren't alone. Keep talking. We are listening.
You and your Mom continue in my prayers.
Kate+

8:41 AM  
Blogger Nicole Wallace said...

I don't need to tell you this, I'm sure you already know.

You are the one true constant for her. Her only lighthouse protecting her from the rocks along the shore.

Even if she doesn't always seem to know it, love.

1:40 PM  
Blogger VDOFan said...

I agree with Axe, as I always said, if you let it consume you as much as you always do, IT WILL AFFECT YOUR MENTAL WELL BEING! and I still think you should seek professional help to speak to someone about your feelings and thoughts, it does not mean that you are crazy, it just means you need someone to release all your problems too and who will help you with them.

I hope you seek this help not only for your state of mind, but for your health as well..

Take care Bobby, and God bless
hugs janice

2:49 PM  
Blogger ann said...

Oh Bobby, Bobby, I wish I could make it all better, for your mother and for you. I know where you're at and I am sure the doctors are doing their very best.

It does kinda take over your life when you care about somebody so much; their pain is your pain.

lotsa luv ann xxxxx

3:33 PM  
Blogger DNY LOVES CRIMINAL MINDS said...

I think you need to find comfort in the fact that you are doing everything possible for your mother. Some things are simply beyond our control and this is a perfect example. No matter how much you may want to you can't fix the situation she is in. Please be extremely careful and make sure that you are able to find the right balance in your life so this situation does not consume you. Your mom would never want that and neither do we your friends. :)

8:44 PM  
Blogger Dr_George_Huang said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

12:23 AM  
Blogger Gracie said...

Bobby..do you ever yearn for a different way of life? Do you ever look around you and wonder why you can't have what everyone else seems to have? Most times just doing whatI have to do keep everything going personally and professionally is good enough but every once in awhile the self-pity sneaks in and I feel sorry formyself...does that ever happen to you? Just wondering...

11:09 AM  
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12:22 AM  
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