Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Fallen.

I feel like I'm laying face down in the dirt and I can't get myself back up. I don't know how to. Maybe I don't even want to.

I'm trapped in the black smog of depression and my emotions are too leveled out to even bother to react. How do I find a reaction? Is this it?

Is this it??

Immobilized by all things negative & I can't even manage to yell or care or even put a voice to how bad this is. Not a sound, not a solitary tear. Just nothing.

I'm not even a shell of a man. Even shell's can crack.

12 Comments:

Blogger a_lonely_girl said...

goren i no wut ur going through. it hurts n u feel trapped. i still cant even find my way out.

7:22 AM  
Blogger a_lonely_girl said...

goren i no wut ur going through. it hurts n u feel trapped. i still cant even find my way out.

7:22 AM  
Blogger The Rev. Dr. Kate said...

Oh Bobby! Is this it? Maybe - but the fact that you are reaching out and talking to us says, "maybe not." You are the only one who can answer the question as to whether or not you can get up again. You have been on an emotional rollercoaster for sometime now and that you are fresh out of emotion or of any way of expressing it is not surprising. You need HELP! Your system has had enough. And you may need to be where you are for a bit. But you need to find a therapist who will sit in the emptiness with you. It is being alone that will kill you. Some practical questions: Are you working? Have you slept? And when was the last time you ate a decent meal? And just what will your Mom do if you choose to stay fallen?
Sometimes we need to break apart before we can put it all back together again. It's ok - it's scary and it hurts, and you are going to have to face the fear and be in the pain before you can heal. But - you have great reserves of emotional strength - that you have managed as well as you have for as long as you have testifies to that. You can become "strong at the broken places." But you have to chose to save your own life. I am praying that you will. You do not face this alone. Many of the folks here have been where you are and have bravely shared their stories with you. Can you let their courage fuel yours?
Praying hard and constantly for you,
Kate+

7:46 AM  
Blogger Unrequited said...

Dear Sweet Bobby,

I'm so sorry you're in such a dark place. I know that place only too well. I've descended and arisen too many times.

First you must keep in your heart that you are loved by those of us here and those that are close to you.

Then you please have to reach out. There must be someone you can reach to for some help.

Please don't let your pride or your intellect keep you from reaching out. You understand so much but please let someone take your understanding and expand on it, let them give you new insights, let it out into the air so that you can take in a fresh breath.

Please Bobby, Please.

All my love, Loraine

8:31 AM  
Blogger Axe said...

Hon, just go with it. Go to the pit. Only there you will know if you should come back or not.
Either way, I'll wait for you!

9:37 AM  
Blogger kathryn said...

"Cast yourself in faith's direction, and faith will come."
Sometimes we have to just keep going through the motions, Bobby. Your life, your work, your friends, your mother, everything about you is important.
Fake it until you feel it. I think that is the advice that is given to people trying to recover from some awful thing which took over their lives.
There is a lot of love here for you, Bobby. Hold on.

10:42 AM  
Anonymous caseyswife said...

Dearest Bobby -

I know what you are going through, I have been there more times than I can count. But, you can get up and spit that foul dirt out. We are here - we're NOT going anywhere - reach out and let our love and compassion help heal you. And talk to Alex, she has never left(and will never leave)your side.

Yours Always,
caseyswife

12:15 PM  
Blogger Cordelia said...

Fall, and someone out here will catch you. Aren't these postings like a virtual safety net catching you? Or couldn't they be? I wish I lived in Brooklyn. I would invite you over in comforting silence.

1:58 PM  
Blogger Veronica said...

Darling,I will catch you when you fall. We will rise up together again,stronger than ever! Love you so much!! xxxxx

5:11 AM  
Blogger DNY LOVES CRIMINAL MINDS said...

:)

9:50 AM  
Blogger VDOFan said...

I agree with Axe, the only way out is going all the way.. and we'll be with you to guide you, and lend you a helping hand when you do need it to get out.

hugs Janice

3:41 PM  
Blogger NemesisNicole said...

Get UP! C'mon DAMMIT! GET UP!!!

Geez, do I have to do everything now?!

10:48 PM  

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