Saturday, March 18, 2006

Visions

I took a walk around
the crazed side of my mind
and had to cringe at
all the memories I thought
I'd left behind.

Faces of people who left
me alone and sad
and the childhood of
happiness I barely remember
I had.

The ghosts that I had
forgotten and have now disturbed
flood my sight to replay a version
of Hell I once left, only
now to return.


It seems like nearly every waking, breathing moment of this week has triggered stuff that I'd rather not think about. I've worked a few doubles because well, I might as well. I'm sure not sleeping so if I'm going to be up I might as well convince myself that there is a good reason for it. The extra pay is irrelevant at this point. I'd do it for free if it meant I find some sort of peace steadiness at 3am.

7 Comments:

Blogger DebWalsh said...

Bobby Sweets you need some rest as well exhaustion can put into a bad mental state as well. I know it is hard because of the dreams but you really need to get some good old fashioned ZZZZZZZ's the knocked out unconcious kind and I don't mean from meds, but maybe tie a good old fashion one on.
:)

5:37 PM  
Blogger Unrequited said...

I'm so sorry that you are so troubled you're in a state to accept steadiness with peace not even seeming possible.

I know that feeling. I feel for you.

Perhaps Deb is right. Get out of the house, out of your head for a while.

But take care - please

7:00 PM  
Blogger Sara said...

Bobby, I never completely understood how it could it be to be a walking shell, working to try and rid an image or thought out of your mind. Until now.

If you find a solution, please inform me. I can't sleep or eat or do anything but work. I don't know what I am going to do.

8:59 PM  
Blogger The Rev. Dr. Kate said...

I know its been a tough time for you. Hang in there. I still think "the ghosts" have a message for you. Maybe one of these nights you can't sleep, you might try re-reading Jung and his stuff on shadows. Keep whatever faith you can - you aren't alone.
Blessings and prayers,
Kate+
NOTE TO EAMES IF YOU ARE OUT THERE:
I agree Bobby needs 24 hours of sleep/oblivion - margaritas? Failing that(and violence is generally not something I recommend), would you consider hitting him over the head? He needs to escape from his brain both conscious and unconscious for awhile! He needs rest!

9:37 PM  
Blogger Gracie said...

You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. I agree with Rev. Dr. Kate that you should allow the anger to stay around a little longer. By trying to redirect those feelings they just stay captured within.Are you afraid of whathat anger may bring? A lack of control perhaps?

1:53 PM  
Blogger VDOFan said...

Bobby, extra pay is always great, but it's sleep that you need more. You need to clear your head, get a breath of fresh air, somewhere, where you won't run into Nicole. A good long walk in the park.. Anything to clear your mind to give you the deserved rest you need. If you don't you will be going to the hospital for exhaustion and that's not a good thing. and it can really mess up your mental health as well..

Please take care of yourself Bobby!

hugs Janice

2:23 PM  
Blogger Virginia Dare said...

Is writing about all of this helping yet?

7:22 PM  

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