Friday, March 10, 2006

That Was Just A Dream, Just A Dream

"Accidents Bobby. They Happen in Every Family."

I woke to the sound of those words being whispered in my ear. I swear that I did. Spoken, clear as daybreak. I opened my eyes and saw no one. I got to my feet and began searching for her because I know I heard her voice. I'm sure of it. I looked in every room and of course I found no one. My door, still locked.

Completely alone.

The difference with this dream- I didn't wake in a panic. Instead I was calm, almost felt like I was moving in slow motion rather than my usual need to flee.

Relived it was just a dream...Disappointed it was only a dream...Relieved to be alone behind a locked door...Upset that I am indeed alone, behind the door.

Alone, behind a locked door. Seems an analogy for the way that I cut myself off from people alot of the time.

14 Comments:

Blogger major malfunction said...

Losing your religion Bobby?

Maybe you should consider unlocking the door.

1:22 PM  
Blogger DNY LOVES CRIMINAL MINDS said...

Nicole has complex problems. Are you ready to deal with them? If not then don't open that door. I hope that you have a wonderful weekend! :)

1:24 PM  
Blogger Nicole Wallace said...

Glad I'm not the only one haunted by past conversations...

Sorry that is was such a disappointment for you.

1:52 PM  
Blogger VDOFan said...

I'm glad you're doing better. Sorry that you are alone, you deserve better and someone better and to be happy. I hope that you will find that someday. and someday you will be at peace with this whole Nicole situation.

Hope you have a great weekend.. take care

2:54 PM  
Anonymous wendywoo said...

Haven't been here in a while. Busy with life and writing... Everything's changed, yet in other ways, it remains the same.

Can't say anything to make you feel better, Bobby, but I wish I could.

If it's any comfort, your alter ego is happy in the world I've created for him.

Love, wendywoo

3:28 PM  
Blogger The Rev. Dr. Kate said...

Dream or nightmare, Bobby? This is a re-occurring pattern for you when you are vulnerable. But why those words, I wonder? The two of you have had plenty of other haunting exchanges - why those particular words? And is it Nicole you really want to wake up to? Or are you just borrowing her stuff because it seems easier to bear this week than your own?
You may be at "rock bottom" in your words, but the "rock" is still there - what is it that is keeping you going? Keep whatever faith you can - and you aren't alone.
Kate+

5:07 PM  
Blogger FreakFeet said...

I'm sorry you feel so alone. But, you're never as alone as you think or feel. I promise.

5:44 PM  
Blogger VDOFan said...

Hey Wendy, it's great to have you back. I missed ya!

Have a great weekend, Wendy..

hugs Janice

5:53 PM  
Blogger Riccie said...

....sigh...

7:14 PM  
Blogger Jules said...

Been there several times...hearing the words spoken out loud that broke my heart in a million pieces....

The difference between you and me? I check the locked door with a .44 Magnum loaded with hollow-point bullets. The asshole that crosses my door will be a dead asshole.

You're much stronger than you know. Let her go! And if you can't, realize that there are people who do care.

8:52 PM  
Blogger Invisible Hannah said...

Ideologies separate us. Dreams and anguish bring us together.

--Eugene Ionesco--

H

12:33 AM  
Blogger Riccie said...

Geez, Jules, you and I think exactly alike... hollow-points!

1:11 AM  
Blogger Selena Marie said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

5:03 AM  
Blogger Virginia Dare said...

you're gonna die that way....and by that I mean if you continue to live this way, you're gonna die this way.

5:14 PM  

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