Wednesday, March 08, 2006

The Sound of loneliness is Deafening

You never really realize the impact that people make until after the fact. No matter how important they are & how grateful you may be, you never feel the entirety of it until it comes to a screeching halt. Not until the relationship ends do you see the full impression that was made on your soul. A deep indentation on your heart.

I feel lost and alone and it is all because one single solitary person is gone from my life. All the scurrying bodies in Midtown during rush hour might as well not be there because they cannot replace the physical existence of a life long friend.

I don't need to talk to people every day or even every week. But in my mind knowing that they are "there", somewhere going thru the motions of everyday life- it's a comfort.

It's hard for me to wrap my head around the concept of "gone". You die and then you are gone from the earth in all tangible ways. We go from real and alive and full of potential to dead and gone in just a matter of breaths.

How can that be? How can it take so precious little to alter our existence and partially paralyze the emotional well being of those left behind?


Blogger Invisible Hannah said...

That crushing emptiness where someone used to be is a hole that can never be filled. You just live with it, take what you can from it.
It's strange and powerful the things I have learned about living from someone close to me who has died. Things about myself. Like a gift from the one who is lost.


12:26 AM  
Blogger Maria said...

You just reminded me of someone very important to me who has left me, and not because I had done sth wrong, but because she's dead. Death is to me a vulgar word. It is the synonym of theft, for it has taken the only sole that I truly made me feel loved. I don't know why people die. Whether it is some grand design or just some freak accident. I don't want which one it is out of fear... just fear that they are gone in every possible way. I pray that God exists.

12:49 AM  
Blogger Gorengyrl said...

Bobby I wish there were something else I could say that I hadn't already said, but right now I am at a loss for words (for once). I know the pain is strong now Bobby, but in time it will subside. Meanwhile do something that will keep your mind busy, so you aren't thinking about it. You're a strong man Bobby, you'll do fine.

Big hugs and soothing comforts,

1:55 AM  
Blogger ann said...

Oh, Bobby Bobby


lotsa luv ann xxxx

3:21 AM  
Blogger Axe said...

I might be alone on this, but you know me by now.

We are all part of one entity and when we meet, we re-aquaint ourselves with a prt of us, that we lack at that given time. (Hence, the "lessons" taught by those who cross our paths)

When that familiarity and "essence" is gone, a piece of you, no matter how trivial, leaves a void in your soul.

The beauty is that those you encounter, never really leave, because they are, in essence, a part of you now.

7:14 AM  
Blogger jen said...

I'm with Axe on this one. death can change the logistics of a relationship, but it can't alter nor diminish love, which stretches from this world to the next w/o missing a beat.

7:34 AM  

The emptiness will always be there to some extent but it also will be replaced with the memories of the relationship. The grieving process can be very hard. You remain in our prayers. :)

7:49 AM  
Blogger Amy said...

I understand, and I'm sorry for your pain.

8:23 AM  
Blogger Gem said...

I lost a good friend day before yesterday. I will go to her funeral tomorrow. She was 39 years old. Like you said -- full of potential. I have so much sympathy for you. Learn from it. Cling to the ones you still have. Open your heart and let new people in. There are many others waiting to enrich you.

8:39 AM  
Blogger Laura Elizabeth said...

As usual I'm a day late and a dollar short - Welcome back.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I honestly believe that as long as the ones we love live on in our hearts, they are never truly gone - a part of them stays with us as long as we remember them.

8:51 AM  
Blogger The Rev. Dr. Kate said...

How beautifully you put it - "the full impression that was made on your soul. A deep indentation on your heart . . ." Of course the physical loss of your friend feels like an amputation - like something important has been cut off and is missing, but give it time . . . If you could not grieve, deeply feel this loss, something really would be wrong with you. I know (believe? hope?) that love never dies. That "deep indentation" in your heart and soul will remain with you always. That is love's gift and it does not ever leave us. Honor that gift by feeling the grief and sadness. But also know that in time, the grief will subside and the love will remain - and it will still have the power to transform your life and the lives of others whom your life touches. Perhaps this "ripple effect" of love is really what "eternal life " is?
My prayers are with you.
Blessings, Kate+

8:57 AM  
Blogger FreakFeet said...

:'( I wish I had words that haven't already been said. *hugs*

11:40 AM  
Blogger Dr. Elizabeth Olivet said...

Bobby, I will miss your inconsolable nature.

11:44 AM  
Blogger Nicole Wallace said...

"Not until the relationship ends do you see the full impression that was made on your soul."

Is that the secret?

1:47 PM  
Blogger VDOFan said...

I agree with Axe, sorry for your loss..

hugs Janice

2:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It is difficult to offer anything more that could be of comfort to you right now. I've always been a 'big picture' person- the small amount of time we have here on earth is ours to either make the best or the worst of it. Or even just be average. But the point is that it IS only a small amount of time. I firmly believe we will be reunited with those we love when we leave, and we take the lessons we have learned while living down here to that new place, to share, to be happy, and to finally be where we belong with those we are supposed to be with. Take care of yourself.

9:51 PM  
Blogger kathryn said...

When we lose someone, we can also lose the person we were with them. Sometimes that is our favorite self.

When my mother died recently, one of the many things that hit me is that I'm nobody's little girl anymore.

When my father died 9 years ago, the concepts of always, never and forever overwhelmed me. And I realized this: when you are greatly blessed with something or someone, the loss of that something or someone is always a possibility.

I lost two wonderful parents, but I had two wonderful parents. And I thank God for what He gave me to lose.

12:08 AM  

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