Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Running on E

I finally have a few minutes to attempt to write something & I can't even think now. I'm completely numb. My mother is doing a little bit better. She's not fully sedated & not very agitated either. Not better but somewhere in the middle of all of that so I guess that's ok. It means she's emerging from this rough patch at least. Thank God for that.

My friends wake is this evening & god how I hate those things. I'm so accustomed to dealing with death & seeing dead bodies at work that I'm just on autopilot. Put me in a funeral home with someone dressed up to resemble what they once were- a corpse that I cannot touch & suddenly it freaks me out. That's when it sinks in, the person is gone.

More later. I have to get going. I'm basically on my own this week. Eames has been upstate since Sunday visiting one of her brothers. It was her turn to take off a few days before they evaporate into thin air. Man how I hate looking across at that empty chair. One more bit of needed normalcy disrupted this week.


Blogger Jules said...

Sounds like you need a little "Bobby" time. Feel free to take as much as you need, your friends will still be around when you really need them.

7:56 AM  

We all know how much you miss Alex when she is gone but I bet she needed a break too. Hang in there! :)

7:57 AM  
Blogger Axe said...

I'm with Jules on this.

9:15 AM  
Blogger DebWalsh said...

What you need it sounds like to me is yes I agree with Jules, Bobby time but I think you need to take a trip to the country find some woods and I know this is gonna sound funky but I sware it work, Go up into the woods strip down to your underwear and run around screaming til you feel better. Get dressed and come back home. sometimes you just need to let it all out in some semblance of privacy.

9:44 AM  
Blogger Bryde said...

Yep,you need ME time,something so out of nature for you that it reawakens you.As for wakes,I agree with you.I don't grieve for the passed until they are long passed....missing something they gave to me when living.

According to my path,they are even more alive now...and they can watch EVERYTHING we do,if they choose....not a good thing;)!

Go do something very un-Goren like.....you can always come to the St. Pats Day parade with me and watch me bitch about them putting Scottish things in the parade.The Irish population here is thin,not like NYC.Down here Scots gathered and mostly assimilated.I try not to assimilate.So,come have some green beer,watch a few jigs and help me celebrate with my Irish "cousins".

10:23 AM  
Anonymous caseyswife said...

I am so sorry to hear of the death of your friend. I hope you can find some comfort in the fact that their pain is now gone and their soul is free from a diseased body. I have lost members of my family after long illnesses, and that always seemed to give me a little relief - imagining them as they were when they were in their "prime."
You do need some YOU time - to grieve, rest, recouperate in your own way. And you can take as much time as you need - we aren't going anywhere!
You are in my thoughts and prayers :)

11:03 AM  
Blogger Detective Alex Eames said...

I just got back to the city, but I won't be returning to work until next Monday, spending time with my nephew.

Sorry, Bobby. I'll see you then.

12:19 PM  
Blogger VDOFan said...

I know you miss each other, but you both need time to yourselves, sometimes you need that in a friendship. Need to do other things, and have some quality and relaxation time to yourself. anyway. I hope you enjoy your time and I know you mniss Alex, but the less you think about it the sooner she will be back.

hugs Janice

12:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm with Jules, & Axe on this one, too. Defintely see a need for 'Bobby' time, and there is nothing at all wrong with that.

2:36 PM  
Blogger The Rev. Dr. Kate said...

Please listen to what we are all saying and take the time you need to grieve, to heal and process all that has been going on . . . we live in a society that doesn't handle the reality of death very well. You more than alot of us have to deal with death up close, but it is still sterile in a way - crime scene teams and the mental challenge of figuring out the forsensics go a long way to detaching you from the reality of the person who is no longer there. When it is someone you knew and loved, it's different and the phonyness of funeral home viewings is really hard to take. Death is something I deal with as part of my work and it helps me to try and see it as a transition. The person you knew and loved is still with you in all that you shared and the ways in which your soul was touched by him and his by you - but in a different way. Hug his family at the wake and share in the sadness. But savor and share your memories of the good times with your friend too. Be brave enough to laugh and feel joyful about the goodness of what you shared together. When both the joy and sadness can be present, grace happens.

3:16 PM  
Blogger FreakFeet said...

I have to agree with everyone that said that you need some "Bobby time". Do whatever you need to do to let it all out. Let out all your feelings--hold nothing back. And, take as long as you need. We'll all be here when you get back.

3:59 PM  
Blogger Nicole Wallace said...


I could make some remark about a normal life not being for people like us...But I won't.

Oh, see that. I just can't stop myself.

10:34 PM  
Blogger Gorengyrl said...

Oh geez Nicole...you always have to open your mouth don't you?

Bobby, I apologize for all the mess you are going through. I also agree with Jules on this. And I agree with Deb too. Take some time out for yourself...remember, we're always here for you! You're loved by many! Take care of yourself.

Hugs, Kara

1:09 AM  
Blogger major malfunction said...

Normalcy is over rated.

Nicole while yourself and Bobby obviously share a connection, I think to use the term "people like us" like you are one in the same is stretching reality a little. You are not like him and he is not like you... isn't that the real dilemma you both face when dealing with one another? You share feelings for each other despite your respective position's on opposite side's of the moral spectrum. The direction of Bobby's life is determined by fate and choice, yours is driven by something you are not fully in control of.

Sorry you are having such a crap time Bobby, I hope the next corner you turn is a little brighter.

5:50 AM  

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